Kickstarter MMORPG: All Aboard Hype Train To La La Land

Guys. Guys! Did you hear about that new MMORPG that’s heading to Kickstarter that has all those amazing freggin features! Oh man. I. Can. Not. Wait! This one is going to be the “WoW-Killer” for sure. Let me just stuff these bullet point key features into my syringe—oh yeah, that’s the spot. OoooOooooooo. This game is going to be AMAZING when it releases. I am so excited.

All my favorite YouTubers are talking about it. They’ve even got referral codes for the Founder’s Packs so I can support my favorite guy! Man oh man, it’s going to be a tough pick but I think I’ll buy it through ManicWalruse’s video—that guy is so real and sooo funny; I hope he gets a good cut of the $150 pack I get. There’s going to be so many sweet features. It says that in the package description under the asterisk: “This package includes ‘sweet features’ you always wanted in an MMORPG.” Isn’t that awesome?

Did you see that sweet trailer? The environments are pristine: so new, so different, so beautiful. It’s like the developer scanned my brain—like in that anime, ya know which one I’m talking about—and made the MMORPG I’ve (we’ve) always wanted. That dungeon was so cool. They showed me one mob, one class, and one dungeon, but I bet the whole frigging game is as cinematic and polished as this demonstration. That’s just basic logic: you always judge a whole from a part.

Yo, did you hear this development team… they’re all gamers man. The lead developer, he used to run a guild in Dark Age of Camelot. Isn’t that so cool? I mean, that means he, ya know, like knows what gamers want. All he needs is $750,000 and he’s going to make the MMORPG we always wanted. Oh man, I applied for a loan just to support these guys. The bank guy was like, “Sir, you don’t have a credit score. I can’t give you a loan.” But I was like, “C’mon man… MMORPGs on Kickstarter!” Then we bro-fisted. It was totally sweet. So yeah, I’m going to be donating $30,000 when the funding campaign goes live. I mean these guys totally deserve it.

Don’t listen to the cynics. Gawd, they’re such trolls. Maybe if they actually read every single developer interview, forum post, tidbit of news, watched the trailers, added an RSS feed for the game’s website, signed up for the monthly telephone newsletter, talked to the development team’s mothers, and read the extensive “Risks and Challenges” section on the Kickstarter, they would have a clue. Gee wiz, people sure are big idiots these days. These guys just don’t know how to have fun anymore.

Cult? C’mon bro we’re not a cult. Just because I hand over thousands of dollars to a developer I only know as a name and a logo to purchase concept art that gives me better stuff than the guy who spends less than me, and I’ve developed a tunnel-vision mania that doesn’t allow me to accept any criticism of the project I support—and if we do hear criticism me and other supporters band together and leave vitriolic comments and tell people to kill themselves or call them retarded because they don’t understand my passion—despite vague community engagement from the studio and evidence of former supporters who claim to have “got woke” (whatever that means, amirite), does not mean we’re a cult. I mean… if we’re a cult where’s the fruit punch? Am I right or am I right?

Guys?

There you are! So we’re all ready right? The Kickstarter goes live next Tuesday. Make sure to leave tons of positive comments about your hopes and expectations for this super sweet MMORPG, especially on Reddit. We want everyone to be as excited for this game as we are. I mean, the more money the development team gets the better a job they’ll do right? Basic logic. More money equals more game. You can always solve problems with more money.

Yeah! So, let’s get out there, stick our foot in the door, and harass people with our solicitous excitement until the next great MMORPG reaches all of its stretch goals. That way, we can play the full release in 10 years.! Oh man… I am SO PUMPED!

From Mega Man II to Ape Escape, I've been playing games for as long as I can remember. I've spent months killing porings in Ragnarok Online and more recently lived a second life in Eve Online. I usually play as gUMBY, gUMBLEoni, or gUMBLes in-game.

  • I've been told I was a troll for being skeptical about Chronicles of Elyria since I didn't read EVERY developer diary... this hits home lol.

  • EcoBotsGaming

    High quality shitpost 10/10 i like

  • Bubba Kush

    Best post i've read in a while lol.

  • Zariarn

    Great post! I chuckled!